AMIC (A My Immortal Commentary)
by show your inner slytherin
Summary: Join ebony/enoby/evony/mary-sue on her emo/Gothic/clown/slut adventures as she tries to shag every guy in hogwarts and ruin every character we know and love. Rated M for the 'sex' scene
1. It begins

**An: I'm doing my own commentary on the infamous 'My Immortal' (yea, cos THAT'S original)**

**Disclaimer: I'm glad to say, I don't own this horrid piece of barf-crap.**

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik**(I have a gothic friend and she doesn't say stuff like that. Ohh wait, you're 'goffik' they are two totally different things)**) 2 my gf (ew not in that way)**(HOMOPHOBE!)** raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling**(spelling? Really? This is the edited version? I'd hate to see the unedited one)**. U rok! Justin**(BEIBER?)** ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX! **(I think it's trying to communicate with us, what should we do?)**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'**(random apostrophe) **ness Dementia **(I'm pretty sure that's a illness of some sort)** Raven Way and I have long ebony black **(they mean the same thing) **hair (that's how I got my name) **(Born with black hair?)** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears **(Transparent eyes?)** **(** and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie **(INCEST ALERT! She wants to be related to a guy who is a 'Major fucking hottie' I don't think he looks nice)**. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white **(well my teeth are rainbow coloured and twisty, I win)**. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **(SCOTLAND!)** where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen) **(no shit Sherlock)**. I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) **(you told us before)** and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation **(but, you're pale. This makes no sense)**, black eyeliner and red eye shadow **(I bet she looks like a goth-clown-prostitute**. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **(charming, how good a role-model is she?0**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **(SHY? DRACO MALFOY? OCC MUCH?)**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **(that. Was. The. Best. Convo. In. history. *sarcasm*)**

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! (**It's horrible, you are an illiterate dumb goth-clown-prostitute, as I guess Ebony is based on you)**


	2. More 'goffik' madness

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta **(she didn't help very well did she?) **! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **(what are preps* searches on the internet* ohh, clever people.)**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom **(I woke up in a swimming pool of fish fingers and custard, you just can't win Ebony)**. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had **(cos that's what everyone does)**. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink **(a very gothic colour)** velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.**(a leather dress? Four pairs of earrings?)**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u! **(aww, how sweet, she is including her friend, that is the only good thing about her so far)**) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes **( I do that, it's on my list. Wake, grin, flip hair, open eyes)**. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.**(BUT YOU ARE ALREADY PALE!)**)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. **(you can't blush, you're a vampire, you don't have blood going round your veins)**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall. **(1: the Slytherin common room is in the dungeons, nowhere near the Great hall and 2: she said two sentences to him and all of a sudden 'Do you like Draco?'. if everyone thought like that, I'd be accused of likening every boy in my class)**

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **(calm down dear, it was only a question)**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **(yeaa, you don't like Draco)**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **(1:good charlotte is a muggle band and hogsmeade is wizard 2: why would draco see a muggle band?)**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. **(EPIC CLIFFHANGER!)**


	3. The concert

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. **(I didn't even read any of this crap)**

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms **(gothic prostitute look)**. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky**(o..k)**. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC **(I just listened to a bit of GC and I like it :s I'm scared)**. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner **(TONS?)**. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **(how does that work?)**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) **(not even a legal licence plate number)** and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs **(remember, if you want to be brain-dead-vampire-creep-crazy dumbarses, do drugs)**. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. **(and fell to our deaths cos the car was still in the air and we were retarded)** We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood

They're all so happy you've arrived

The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom

She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). **(what song is this? I just want to hear it)**

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. **(you are a slow girl aren't you?)**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **(blonde face, seems legit)**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back **(XD, THEY'RE SO PISSED THEY CAN'T EVEN WALK XD)** into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest! **(holy suspense batman!)**

**AN: sorry about the 'Holy suspense batman' thing at the end, I'm listening to ERB Batman vs. Sherlock holmes**


	4. the 'sex' chapter (and another one)

**AN: This is the 'sex' scene, I'm handing out brain bleach if you want some.**

***Holds brain bleach for you* I'm gonna have two/three chapters in one.**

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su **(so, she's called ENOBY, ok). **OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **( are you confused? Just look at the last chapter)**

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously. **(and fell to your deaths cos you left the car IN THE AIR YOU RETARDS!)**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) **(NO! YOU CAN'T CHANGE HIS EYES, NEVER! *calms down* fan girl moment there)** which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.

**(get ready. *gives you some brain bleach* you'll need it.)**

And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra **(good achievement)**. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. **(*crys* YOU RUINED HIM! YOU ruined Draco)**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm **( *curled up in a corner*)**. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was….Dumbledore! **(*back* BADASS DUMBLEDORE! YEY! I wish he said that everyday)**

**Next:**

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! **(I don't know what that says)**

The next day I woke up in my coffin **( I woke up on a giant purple camel called brian, you lost again ENOBY.)**. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears **(slut)**. I spray-painted my hair with purple.

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal **(really 'goffik')** with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face **(eeewwwwww!)** and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore **(no. please.)** and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore**(No! not him, anyone but him.)**. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **(you said it, not me)**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter **(NOO! HARRY! WHAT DID SHE DO TO YOU?)**, although most people call me Vampire these days**(EVEN WORSE!)**." he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. **(gi..giggled. A DUDE DOESN'T GIGGLE YOU RETARDED-GOTHIC-EMO-CLOWN-DUMB-VAMPIRE-FAKE-POSER-MARYSUE-PROSTITUE-SLUT! AND YOU RUINED HARRY."**

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared. **(I AM ENOBY/EBONY, HEAR ME ROAR!)**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.


	5. i've lost count multiple chapters

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life **(have I missed some chapters? It's not my fault, the person I got this off missed a chapter and I can't find it, but I know what happens. They are taken to snape and mcbadass and Draco yells out 'COS I LOVE HER' or some OOC crap like that, they walk off and Ebony/Enoby is dressed like a slut for bed)**

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws **(GOD LIKES THIS?)**. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons **(tin god vons? Dafuq?) **! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony **(new name.!) **isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u? **(no, but from previous chapters she is portrayed like a Mary sue) **). I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…

**(*holds out brain bleach*)**

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra **(that must be uncomfortable)** and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine **(you have a boy thingy?)** and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) **(yes)**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire! **(*curled up in a corner* It has drarry in it, I don't like Drarry)**

I was so angry.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed. **(maybe it was before he shagged you, you dumb Mary sue)**

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **(OMG! Just cos he was with 'Vampire'? well, if he does, you probably have it too you slut)**

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care **(why mention it?)**. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people. **(*Is in that class*)**

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. **(*still in the class but is rolling on the floor with laughter*)**

**I liked commenting on this chapter, ANOTHER!**

Chapter 8.

AN: stop flassing ok! if u do de prep! **(flassing? Do you mean flaming?)**

Everyone in the class stared at me **(I can't wonder why)** and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked **(*still in the class but is covering her eyes*)** and started begging me to take him back.

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on **(note to everyone in this fanfic: OPEN YOUR EYES BEFORE GRINNING/SMILEING AND FLIPPING YOUR HAIR)**. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on **(*no comment***. Hermione **(NOT HERMIONE!)** was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor **(YOU BASICLY KILLED HERMIONE, YOU KILLED HER! *grabs Fred and George* you ain't getting these two)**

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!**(XD, I'm gonna use that) **" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.**(don't ignore snape!)**

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him. **(?)**

Everyone gasped.

**(Random POV change)**

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. **(awww, do you want a hug?)** He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed **(GET THE PICTURE! THEY. WENT. OUT. BEFORE. .YOU!)**. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility **(your manliness? Well you did say that you have a 'boy thingiy')** to Draco and then I started to bust into tears.

**MORE CHAPTERS! I'll do about 4, cos they are all short chapters**

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok **(when did Dumbledore swear in the movies?)** so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! **( I have headaches and I don't swear cos of them)** and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX! **(no, they don't, I like good charlotte because of you, I thank you for letting me find a good band but I curse you for telling me of the band)**

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me **(HE DIDN'T CHEAT ON YOU!)**. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. **(I pity that tree)**

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was… Voldemort! **(YOU JUST SAID HE WAS 'like voldemort in the movie)**

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!**(imperio)**" and I couldn't run away.

"Crookshanks**(Hermionie's cat? I think you mean crucio)**!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter! **(and I hath been taken back in time)**"

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **(you're a slow girl aren't you?)**

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face **(XD I'd pay to see that *gets loads of gallions and goes to Voldemort* PLEASE!)**. "I hath telekinesis **(*sighs*)**." he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) **(no, is it another word for cross?)** between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered. **(OBVIOUSLY)**

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. **(*rolls eyes* so all you have to do is say 'sorry' and all of a sudden, making out with the dude that you said had AIDS)**

**Last one for this:**

AN: stup it u gay fags **(HOMOPHOBE!)** if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok! **(I don't know what that says)**

I was really scared about Vlodemort **(I thought it was voldemort who told you to kill 'Vampire')** all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar **(mary sue)**. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR **(two good bands and a vrap one)**. The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo **(RON! WHAT HAS SHE DONE TO YOU? *holds fred and george tighter* you ain't getting these two EVER)** now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Hargrid. **(hagrid's cousin?)** Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that**(you just did you dumbarse)**) or a steak **(yummy, I love steak)**) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride **(that ain't depressing)**. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. **(oh rly?)**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily **(she's just trying to be a good friend)**. And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears.

Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. **(XD, I'll get Draco to help me comment on the next one)**

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?) **(a bit)**

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive **(THAT'S ooc)**. Then he ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." **(I thought vampires couldn't die from slitting their wrists)**

**NEXT**

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off **(what a great friend)** and I ran to my room crying myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood **(that's not healthy)** and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily **(XD)** while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak **(yum yum yum)** and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide **(mkay)**. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap **(where's crackle and pop)** was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me **(OMG, you're fully clothed)**! And Loopin **(loopin? Is that Remus' cousin?)** was masticating **(chewing)** to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks.

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! **(you are fully dresse)** ARE YOU PEDOS **(you are 17, it's not paedophilia if you are over the age of 16) **OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

"Abra Kedavra (**it's avarda kedarva)**!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb **(XD)**. I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times **(not a real number)** and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! **(XD)**" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk. **(?)**

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student **(LITTLE? HE'S HALF-GIANT. HOGWARTS STUDENT? HE'S THE GAMESKEEPER. Oh, you're talking about hargrid, not hagrid)**!"

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…**(DRAMA!)**." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" **(wow, who isn't in this fanfic?)**

"This cannot be." Snap **(crackle and pop)** said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him **(?)**. "There must be other factors."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. **(?)**

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly **(three elephants)**. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" **(random statement)**

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. **(I know that feeling)**

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. **(you mean cloak, dear)**

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. **(XDXDXD)**

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.

"Because I LOVE HER!" **(Holy shite, everyone loves the Mary sue)**


	6. Draco helps with commentary

**AN:**_ I'm still doing this and I still have some of my brain cells left! :D As promised, I have Draco here _

**Draco: **_why am I here?_

**Me: **_cos I said so._

**Draco: **_well, you're a filthy muggle, I don't have to listen to you._

**Me: **_I'll tell your dad about you and luci (my inner slytherin OC)_

**Draco: **_but there's nothing going on between me and carlton_

**Me: **_but your father doesn't know that does he?_

**Draco: **_ok._

_I'll be referred to as Hannah._

Chapter 12.

AN: stop f,aing **(Draco: **_what? can you decipher this? _**Me:**Believe me, I've tried to understand**) **ok hargrid is a pedo **(Draco: **_Hagrid?! A pedophile? Wait till my father hears about this _**Hannah: **No, hagrid is not a pedophile, his cousin Hargrid is **Draco: **_O..k_**)** 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok!

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago **(Draco: **_Who? _**Hannah: **she means you. You see, in this, everyone is a goth, you are bisexual and have had a relationship with harry, everyone is a vampire and you shagged Ebony **Draco: **_(eyes wide with horror) ? _**Hannah: **She hates everyone, that's why**)** had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid but it was Vampire **(Draco: **_who? _**Hannah:** that's harry**)**. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **(Draco: **_? _**Hannah: ***going to get draco some brain bleach* I'll be back in a bit. **Draco: **_Don't leave me alone with this…stuff _**Hannah: ***already gone* **Draco: **_crap_**)**

I stopped. "How did u know?" **(Draco: **_umm… o..k_**)**

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!"

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Diabolo **(Draco: **_*writes that on a list to ask Hannah about later*_**)** changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco **(Draco: **_ ? Why me? _**Hannah: ***back***)**….Volfemort has him bondage!" **(Draco and Hannah: **EWWWW!**)**

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. Snap and Loopin and HAHRID **(Draco: **_another relative of Hagrid? And who are Loopin, Snap and Diablo? _**Hannah: **Loopin is a relative of Lupin, Snap is a relative of Snape and Diablo is Ronald**)** were there too. They were going to St. Mango's **(Hannah: ***laughing and picturing a hospital for fruit* **Draco: **_*confused at why Hannah is laughing so much that she can't breathe _**Hannah: **OHMYGOD! WHAT IS AIR?!**)** after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz **(Draco: **_Hot? _**Hannah: **More like slutty**)**. Dumbledore had constipated **(draco and Hannah: ***Hannah curled up on the floor not breathing because of all the laughter and Draco having to lean on the wall so he doesn't fall over***)** the cideo camera they took of me naked.**(Draco: **_What am I missing? _**Hannah: **she was wearing a few clothes and Snap and Loopin videoed her but she said she was naked, it's complicated**)** I put up my middle finger at them.

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v.**(Draco: **_she can't even put 'very'?_ **Hannah: ***nods***) **serious voice, giving me the roses.

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink **(Hannah: **but you have pink clothes and a coffin with pink lace**)** anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik.

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses."

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep **(Hannah: **that is actually a pretty good joke**)**?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- **(Draco: **_I'm gonna regret this, what was she going to put. _**Hannah: **she was scared to put the word 'Porn' but she's alright later when she says that ebony tries to screw harry **Draco: **_*scared* _**Hannah: **you go curl up in the corner for a bit, I'll tell you when to come back**)** video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) **(Hannah: **no comment**)** to it he added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly.

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! .

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely.

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!" **(Hannah: ***rolls eyes***)**

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black **(Hannah: **no shite Sherlock**)**. Now I knew he wasn't a prep.

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako **(Hannah: **yea, what the fuck is Drako?**)**?"

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?" **(Hannah: **I think I preferred Dumbledore when he had a headache**)**

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back.

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!"

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on **(Hannah: **Draco, come here **Draco: **_*walks back*__**)**_ a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss. **(Hannah: **don't you think she's a slut-clown-emo-goth-prostitute? **Draco: **_yea, the worst type_**)**

"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit) you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco **(Draco: **_*absolutely horrified* _**Hannah: **do you want to curl up again? **Draco: **_ , I'll be fine_**)**. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff.

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wquallysaid way.

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other **(Draco: **_*runs to the corner to curl up* _**Hannah: ***comforts him*it's alright draco, Mcbadass stops them.**)**

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS! **(Hannah: **told you, come on, lets finish this**)**" shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else.

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me **(Draco: **_but she tried to screw him._**)**. You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **(Draco: **_haven't we been through this?_**)**

"NO!" I ran up closer.

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **(Hannah: **yea, we have**)**

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage **(Hannah and draco: **EWWWWWW! *bad images and thoughts again* GET THESE THOUGHTS AWAY!**)**!"

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I

**Hannah: **umm, draco?

**Draco: **yea?

**Hannah: **is it alright if you help me with this again?

**Draco: **sure.

**Hannah: ***Looking nervous*

**Draco: **What?

**Hannah: **Can Luci help us as well? Only if you're ok with it.

**Draco: **Sure


	7. luci helps (and trashes the room)

**An: **

**Hannah: **heyy! I have Luci and Draco here.

**Luci: **

**Draco: **hi, again.

**Hannah: **so, *turns to Luci* do you know why I wanted you here?

**Luci:** so I could help with commentary on the worst fan fiction, 'My immortal' by someone called Tara. You have been doing it solo up until last chapter, when you asked Malfoy to help.

**Draco:** it wasn't my idea

**Luci: ***looks at Draco* you still agreed. Didn't put up much of a fight according to Hannah.

**Hannah:***steps away from Luci and Draco, who are still arguing*this always happens with them two, I don't know how I put up with it. On to the chapter.

Chapter 13.

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom **( Luci: **sounds like someone I know **Draco: ***sighs and rolls eyes* **Luci: **what now?! **Draco: **you, always talking about some dumbarse guy who won't like you EVER **Luci: ***goes red***)** ! PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG!

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared.

"Dumbledore Dumbledore **(Hannah:** YOU SPELT IT RIGHT AND THEN WRONG RIGHT NEXT TO THE RIGHT ONE! **Luci: ***sighs* she's in one of her rants again**)**!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there.

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily.

"Volsemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice. **(Luci: **DUMBLEDORE? EVIL? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! **Draco: ***Luci and Hannah still ranting in the background*now she's going on a rant, looks like it's just me for a bit**)**

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged.

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony **(Draco: **Don't remind me. **Luci: ***stopped her rant* what did ebony do? **Hannah: ***stopped ranting* she and Draco shagged. **Luci: ***Runs off* **Draco: **where's she off to? **Hannah: **she's gonna puke.**)**." he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then he walked away. **(Luci: **back**)** Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned **(Luci:** spoke too soon. *runs off again***)**. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!)

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed. **(Hannah: **where did it go?**)**

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then… suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair! **(Hannah: **another relative of Voldemort?**)**

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah **(Hannah: **you mean Avarda**) **Kedavra!"

It was….. Voldemort! **(Hannah: **what is Voldemort doing in Voldemprt's lair?**)**

**An:**

**Hannah: **I hope Luci is back soon, she must have puked up her guts by now.

**Draco: **why was she sick?

**Hannah: **with 'delicate' issues such as sex, she gets nervous and starts puking. With the 'Vampire loving you' thing, I have no clue. Maybe it's cos Harry could never like you and she got confused.

**Luci: ***back* should my ears be burning?

**Hannah: **yea, your hair is on fire.

**Luci: ***sarcastically* oh hahaha. Are we gonna do another chapter or what? I don't know about you two but I still have a few brain cells left.

Chapter 14.

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok **(Luci: ***laughs* no**)**! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen **(Luci: **RAVEN. YOU WERE ALMOST FREE!**)**. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists **(Luci: **she slit her wrists? Holy shit**)**. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION **Luci and Hannah: ***on the floor laughing***)** ADVISD.

We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there **(Draco: **it was Voldemprt**)**. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was **(Luci: **Wormtail?**)**. Draco was there crying tears of blood **(Draco: **I don't do that.**)**. Snaketail **(Luci: **I JUST said his name and you fuck it up**)** was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail.

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes **(Luci: **he loves her, he loves the mary-sue. EVERYBODY LOVES THE FUCKING VAMPIRE MARY-SUE! **Draco: ***looks at Hannah* can you calm her down before I BRAKE HER FACE! **Luci: **do you remember all the punches I've given you? **Draco: ***stands up* yea, but I can beat you in a fight. **Luci: **you think? **Draco: **yea **Luci: ***stands up and punches Malfoy in the face, making him fall on the floor* pitty, I'd like to see how he'd try and beat me**)**. "." he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)

"Huh?" I asked.

"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" **(Luci: **I TOLD YOU SO. *kicks wall* EVERYONE LOVES THE MARY-SUE**)**asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you **(Hannah: **she has a point. **Draco: ***still knocked out* **Luci: ***ranting about 'the bitch mary-sue' while kicking walls and braking stuff***)** ? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly.

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort **(Hannah:** XD**)**. Then… he started coming **(Hannah and Luci: **EW EW EW EW EW EW! **Draco: ***wakes up***)**! We could hear his high heels clacking to us **(everyone: **o_O**)** . So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw **(Luci: **THE LITTLE BITCH MARY-SUE SLUT WHY DOES SHE THINK THAT EVERYTIME SHE'S IN HER ROOM, OR SOMEWHERE WHERE HER AND DRACO ARE ALONE, THAT HE WANTS TO SHAG HER? **Draco: **that's a step up from puking**)** . He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah **(Luci: **OHMYGOD REALLY? ARE YOU SHITIN ME?**)**) and a really huge you-know-what **(Luci: **HOLY SHITE! *runs off* **Draco: **and there she goes**)** and everything.

**(Luci: ***back***)**

"Its so unfair!" I yielded. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything **(Luci: **I AM GOING TO HAVE A MENTAL BREAKDOWN COS OF THIS BITCH, SHE IS A SPOILT SLUTTY HORRID POSER.**)**."

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." answered Draco. **(Luci and** **Draco: ***laugh and say at the same time* and what is ebony? The virgin queen? *both look at each other* **Luci: **holy shite, that was weird**)**

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. **(Hannah: **YOU WERE DRESSED **Draco: **am I the ONLY one who isn't shouting every word I say?**)** Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco **(Draco: **well, I don't want to be with you ebony. I like my girls a little less gothic-slut-emo**)**! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty **(Luci: **surree, sh isn't a snob, just a mary-sue**)**) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL **(Luci and Hannah: **COS YOU'RE A MARY SUE!**) **? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away.

**Luci: **Hannah, I have to go before I break this room. Can kmillen do this for me next time?

**Hannah: **sure

**Draco: **great, just what I need, another bat-shit crazy carlton.

**Hannah: **DRACO!


	8. the missing chapter (poor Draco)

**AN: **as requested, I have the missing chapter, draco is here and will help won't you draco?

**Draco: **yea

Chapter 5.

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx **(Draco: **I can't believe that actually happened **Hannah: **neither can I draco, neither can I.**)**! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludicrous **(Hannah: **the muggle singer?**)** fools!" he shouted.

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. **(Hannah: **I hope you bleed to death**) **Draco comforted me **(Draco: **ME? COMFORTING SOMEONE? THE HELL? **Hannah:** it gets worse.**)**. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry. **(Hannah: **I can't think why**)**

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces **(Hannah and draco: ***laughing ***)**?" asked Professor McGonagall.

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. **(Hannah: **here we go**)** "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" **(draco: **WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! I WOULD NEVER LOVE THAT SLUT! IS SHE TRYING TO RUIN MY REPUTATION? **Hannah: ***steps away slowly***)**

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **(draco: **PROFESSOR SNAPE WOULD NEVER JUST ALLOW THAT ATTITUDE TOWARDS HIM, NO MATTER WHAT HOUSE THEY ARE IN.**)**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently. **(Draco: **ME? ASKING SOMETHING 'gently'? SHE IS RUINING MY REPUTATION! **Hannah: ***hits Draco over the head with a pan* that's quite enough of that.**)**

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels **(Hannah: **slut**)**. When I came out….

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte **(Hannah: **I like that song :s**)**. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. **(Hannah: **he was probably relived to be free of you**)**

**Hannah: ***tries to wake up Draco* WAKE UP YOU ARSEHOLE! Hmm… EBONY IS HERE, SHE'S COME TO GET YOU!

**Draco: ***wakes up with a start*HOLY CRAP!

**Hannah: **just kiddin *giggles*… *looks away from Draco* now, I'll give Draco some time to recover from his… ordeal.


	9. Time for Kmillen

**AN: **I have Kmillen (Lucina's twin brother) and Draco here

**Kmillen: ***looks at Draco* so you're the infamous Draco Malfoy?

**Draco: **pardon?

**Kmillen: **all Luci has talked about is 'I can't believe that Malfoy called me crazy. It did feel good to punch him again although I wanted to see how he would try to beat me.'

**Draco: **really, does she talk about me often?

**Kmillen: **she mentions you everyday.

**Hannah: **LET'S stop talking about Luci telling her family about the worst slytherin and get on with the chapters.

Chapter 15.

AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! **(Hannah:** that REEKS of desperation **Kmillen: **how did you survive the first word? **Draco: **if I'm honest Carlton 2. I have no clue. **Kmillen: **Carlton 2?

**Draco: **you're second Carlton I know**)**. fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein! **(Kmillen: **HELPING? REALLY? **Draco: **is it normal for all Carltons to have foghorn voices?** Kmillen: ***nods* only the kids though, and mum. We get the 'voice as loud as a cruise ship horn' gene from our mum**)**

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!" **(Kmillen: ***looks at Draco* you? You're in this fan fiction? **Draco: **not by choice**)**

But I was too mad.

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire **(Kmillen: **who? **Hannah: ***gives Kmillen a list of 'who?, what's happened? and why?'* **Kmillen: **HOLY CRAP? How many times did luci puke during her one chapter? **draco: **wasn't counting**)**!" I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire **(everyone: **o_O**)**. I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists **(Draco: **o_o **Hannah: **o_o (both are used to this sort of thing) **Kmillen:** O_O**)**. I drank the blood all depressed. Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class.

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters **(Hannah: **she's a slut**)**. I put my ebony black hair out. Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did sum advanced Biology work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar **(Hannah: **are you sure you aren't in transfiguration Ebony/evony/enoby? **)**. Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco **(Draco: **not possible!**)**!

"Enoby I love you!**(Draco: **I don't. **Kmillen: **who do you like then? **Hannah: **KMILLEN!**)**" he shouted sadly. "I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink **(Hannah: ** . !**)**. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world.**(everyone: **XDXDXD**)** Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time **(Draco: **LIES**)**. Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you! **(Hannah: **AND YOU ARE SAYING'FUCKING' TOO MUCH**)**." Then…. he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death" (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) **(Hannah: **OHMYGOD EBONY, SHUT UP! right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) .

"OMFG." I said after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers **(Hannah and Kmillen: **such a good role model and such a kind person**)** (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now) at them. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch**(Draco: **why mention her?**)**) and CMM in a Cinderella Story **(Hannah: **I love that movie**)**. Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. **(everyone: **mkay…**)** Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether **(Hannah: **REALLY?**)**


	10. Luci Comes back

_**AN: **_sorry 'bout not doing this, me, Draco and Luci (I dragged her back) were gaining the brain cells that we lost.

**Luci:** DRACO! SHUT UP!

**Draco: **BUT IT'S TRUE!

**Luci: **YOU SHOULDN'T TELL SOMEONE THAT THEY HAVE MORE SPOTS ON THEIR FACE THAN THERE ARE STARS IN SPACE! AND IT'S NOT TRUE!

**Hannah: **oh, bloody hell. SHUT THE HELL UP, WE HAVE TO DO THE COMMENTARY NOW! Sorry 'bout them two…

and in reply to ANEwrites, it was someone called 'Tara Gilesbie' AKA 'XXXbloodyrists666XXX' AKA 'goffikgurl666' who wrote the original story.

thanks to all the reviewers. now for the story:

Chapter 16.

AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! raven u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese! **(Hannah: ***trying to calm Luci down* **Luci: ***about to kill Draco* **Draco: ***Actually doing this* I wish Hannah didn't choose me for this crap**)**

We ran happily to Hogsmede. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. **(Luci: **you already said that.**)** MCR were there playing 'Helena'. I was so fucking happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection **(Draco and Hannah: **EWW, WHAT THE… **Luci: ***in the corner with a bucket***)** but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets (**Hannah: **Slut…**)**. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers! **(Luci: **Voldemort should change the 'Death Eaters' to 'Death Dealers', Death Dealers sounds more awesome!** Hannah: **yea, it does **Draco: ***keeping a safe distance from luci***)**

"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" **(Luci: **but… **Draco: **you just did!**)** I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them"

"What cause we…you know…" **(Hannah: **Cos you shagged? Is that what you meant?**)** he gadgetted uncomfortbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what.

"Yeah cause we you know!" I yielded in an angry voice.

"We won't do that again." Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT."

"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?" **(Luci: **XD XD XD**)** I asked. "So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?" **(Luci: **He isn't a Christina, He's a Draco*Judging looks from Hannah and Draco* Hannah, if I didn't say that, you would have. **Hannah: ***nods in agreement***)**

"NO." he muttered loudly. **(everyone: **?**)**

"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd angrily.

"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Da world is black' by GC to me.

I was flattened **(Everyone: **YEY!**)** cause that's not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!

"OK then I guess I will have to." I said **(Luci: **Crap, she's still alive**)** and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room.

B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in Japanese **(Luci: **No comment *cough*wrong*cough* **Draco: **Do you know EVERY language? **Luci: ***grinning* No comment**) **). "BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U! **(Hannah: **how nice!. If me and my friend (who is called Hanna, weird right?) were annoyed with each other, I wouldn't put that I hate her in my Fanfiction… I'm not like that**) **)

"It serves that fuking bich right." I laughed angrily.

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas (**Hannah: **GOTHIC? THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS? Well, she isn't 'Gothic' she's 'Goffik/goffic'**) **. "Maybe Willow will die too." I said.

"Kawai." B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak."

"Kawai." I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie.

"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr." I sed. " I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA."

B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping."

"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.

"No." My head snaped up. **(Hannah: **snaped up? SNAPEd up? SNAPE-d up? **Luci: **WE GET IT**)**

'WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?"

"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all."

"Hu told u abut them" I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don't even SAY that nam to me!). Or me.

"Dumblydore." She sed. "Let me just call our broms." **(Luci: **XD 'Broms' XD**)**

"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly. **(Hannah: ***quietly* IN CAPITALS? **Luci: **XD**)**

"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." She told me. "Come on let's go."

We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE **(Hannah: **how can he be 'OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!'?**)** and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for da real goffs."

"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked.

"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera."

"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" **(Luci: **THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU, YOU DUMB-LOSER-SLAG-MARY SUE BITCH!**)** I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.

"Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said.

"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary.

"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked.

"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA **(Draco: **VERY subtle**)** way what's yours?"

"Tom Rid. **(Luci: **RID? TOM RID? TOM RID? THAT IS SOO CLOSE TO 'TOM RIDDLE' **Draco: **So? *doesn't know about 'Tom Riddle' being Voldemort* **Luci: **SO? TOM RIDDLE IS VOLDEMORT!**)**" He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "maybe I'll see you there tonight."

"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv! **(Luci: **he was saying that he might see you, he was ASKING YOU TO GO WITH HIM ! NOT EVERYONE LIKES YOU!) " I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY **(Luci: **XD new name!**)** U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!"

**Luci: **Next chapter?

**Hannah: **yep

**Luci: ***face desk*

Chapter 17.

AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! if ur a prep den dnot red it! u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage. if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! pz willo isn't rely a prep. Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr! **(Luci: **I can't read it **Hannah: ***translation* 'I said, stop flaming the story! If you're a prep then don't read it! You can tell whether you're a prep or not by my quiz, it's on my homepage. If you're not then you rock. If you are then FUCK OFF! Ps. Willow isn't really a prep. Raven, please do this, I'll promice to give you back your poster!' **Luci: ***shocked***)**

Tom Riddle **(Luci: ***fainted from shock* **Draco: **Lightweight**)** gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual). Hargird kept shooting at us to cum **(Hannah: **XD XD XD. Imagine if the next part of the sentence was cut of!**)** back 2 Hogwarts. "WTF Hargrid?" I shouted angrily. "Fuck off you fjucking bastard." Well anyway Willow came . Hargird went away angrily.

"Hey bitch you look kawaii." she said.

"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's really pretty and everything. She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz. **(Hannah: **sluty girl. **Draco: ***kicks Luci to wake her up***)** She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic. **(Hannah: **but, that's bad. She really should eat.**)**

"So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?" she asked.

"Yah." I said happily.

"I'm gong with Diabolo." she anserred happily. Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said '666' on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. Draco was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower. B'loody Mart was going 2 da concert wif Dracola. Dracola used to be called Navel **(Hannah: **Neville? Why?**)** but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires **(Hannah: **are anyone's parents human?**)**. They dyed in a car crash. Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. He was in Slitherin now. He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula now **(Hannah: ***crying slightly* **Draco: ***kicks Luci again***)**. Well anyway we al went 2 Draco's black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) that his dad Lucian gave him. We did pot, coke and crak.**(draco: **I NEVER would *kicks Luci again***)** Draco and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. We soon got there….I gapsed.

Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes... Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. It was….Vlodemort and da Death Deelers! **(Hannah: **I thought it was Volsemort who had the 'Death Dealers' **Draco: **he did but 'Vlodemort' has the 'Death Deelers' *kicks Luci again* **Hannah: **ohh **)**

"U moronic idiots!" he shooted angstily. "Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now….I shall kill thou and Draco!"

"No no please!" We begged sadly but he took out his knife.

Sudenly a gothic old man flu **(Hannah: **o..k **Draco: ***chucks water at Luci* **Luci: **HOLY SHIT*sits up***)** in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong **(Luci: **wow, it wasn't Long, it was looong**)** black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed 'avril lavigne' **(Hannah: **AVRIL!**)** on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…DUMBLYDORE! **(luci: **What… **Hannah: **the actual… **Draco: **fuck**)**


	11. chapter 18 and the 'Nut' chapter

**AN: **HEYYY! Back, with more brain cells. Oh and Draco and Luci!

**Luci: ***Cheery* hellooo

**Draco: **hi *staring at Luci like she's gone crazy* you ok Carlton?

**Luci:** I don't know. I've jus been… happy today *grins*

**Draco: **stop being happy, it's creeping me out. You'll be crazy **and** spotty.

**Luci: **MALFOY! *Draco runs off and Luci tries to stop me (Hannah) typing all of it down* HANNAH! DELETE THAT! STOP TYPING EVERYTHING I'M SAYING!

(A quick reminder: Hannah types all this up, unless she is crying or having a breakdown, in which, Luci types… unless she's gone mad, then Draco types)

Chapter 18.

AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! **(Luci: **I would if I knew what 'stup' and 'flamming' ment**)** if u do den ur a fuken prep! fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf. u rok! n ur nut a prep. fangz for muh sewter! ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be gofik so der! **(Hannah: **ARE YOU STILL ON ABOUT THAT!? **Luci: **Hannah, calm, happy place.**)**

I woke up the next day in my coffin. I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, blood-bed lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it. **(Luci and Hannah: ***checking the pitch of their voises* 3.2.1.. *sing-songy* SLUUUTT.**)**

(Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth **(Hannah: ***fake laughter* OMG you're so hilarious! How are you not a comedian… oh, cos you're retarded **Draco: **to call her retarded is an insult to retarded people **Luci: **Just about to say that *high-fives Draco* **) **). Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff **(Hannah: **Broom stuff? Broom stuff!? BROOM STUFF?! **Luci: **HANNAH! Calm the fuck down!**)** was blood-red. There was lace all over it. Draco had a black MCR boom. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what **(Hannah: **do you mean sex? Honestly, older than me and she couldn't type those three letters**)** to a Linkin Park song.)

Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall **(Luci: **Was there cheese there? Cos I like cheese *Judging look from the others.* if I didn't say it, you would have!**)**. There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant **(Luci: ***Hiding laughter, not very well though*Pant? Pants on the wall?**)**. And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys.

"WTF!" I shouted going to sit next to B'loody Mary and Willow. B'loody Mary was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. Willow was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets. Vampire, Dracula **(Hannah: ***still not over the 'Neville incident' as we all named it* WHY DO THAT TO NEVILLE? HE WAS PERFECT!**)** and Draco came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey **(Luci and Hannah: **NO!**)** or Gerard Way **(Luci and Hannah: **NOOOO**) **or Billie Joe Armstrong **(the girls: ***shake their heads* NOPE!**)**. The boys joined in cause they were bi **(Draco: **I'M NOT!**) **.

"Those guys are so fucking hot." Navel **(Hannah: ***crying as the other two try and comfort her***)** was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came. He was the same one who had chassed away Vlodemort yesterday **(Luci: **Dumbledore**)**. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hare black.

"….DUMBLEDORE?1! **(Luci: ***lifts arms trielephantly (geddit? Cos I'm being retarded like Tara?)* CALLED IT!**)**" we all gasped.

"WTF?" I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!"

"Hello everyone." he said happily. "As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?"

Everyone from the poser table in Gryffindor **(Luci: ***stands up quickly* I TAKE OFFENCE IN THAT! I'M A GRYFFINDOR! AND PROUD OF IT! **Draco: **We know, we know!**) **started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn't believe what a poser he was!1.

"BTW you can call me Albert. **(Luci: **HE'S CALLED ALBUS! ALBUS PERCIVAL WULFRIC BRIAN DUMBLEDORE!**)**" HE CALLED AS WE LEFT **(Luci and Hannah: ***singing* RANDOM CAPS LOCK, RANDOM CAPS LOCK! **Draco: **TOO MANY CAPITALS!**)** to our classes.

"What a fucking poser!" Draco shouted angrily as we we to Transfomation **(Hannah: **OoO like… transformers?**)**. We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard) but I didn't say anything. "I bet he's havin a mid-life crisis! **(all: **MID-LIFE!? **Luci: **he's way past that!.**) **" Willow shouted.

I was so fucking angry. **(Draco: **don't care, **Hannah: **Lets count how many fucks I give about that… 1, 1 ½, OH CRAP, they flew away **Luci: **No shits given in her particular direction**)**

**Luci: **NEXT! I'm bored and I have more shits to not give!

Chapter 19. im nut ok i promise **(Hannah: **NUTS! **Luci: ***singing the song "I'm not okay" **Draco: ***scared shitless at Luci singing the song and Hannah running to get a bag of peanuts***)**

AN: plz stup flaming da story if u do ur a foken prep n ur jelous ok!11 frum noq un im gong 2 delt ur men reviowz!111 BTW evonyd a poorblod so der!1 fangz 2 raven 4m da help!11 **(Luci: **No shits GIVENNN**)**

All day we sat angerly finking about Dumbelldore. We were so fucking pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da MCR concert. It had been postphoned, so we could all go. **(Luci: ***mood changes* WHAT? **JUST** SO YOU COULD GO?! THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUD YOU! MARY-SUE BITCH!**)**

Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut classes. Draco was being all secretive. **(Luci: **FINALLY, the one thing that is actually true about him. **Draco: ***Glares at Luci, who is grinning cheekily***)**

I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty (rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot **(Hannah: **Don't know any… **Luci: **oh rly? *looks pointedly at Draco* **Draco: **I'M NOT BI!** Luci: **If you say so **)**).

"No one fucking understands me!1" he shouted angrily as his black hare **(Luci: **His black large rabbit went in his eyes, didn't know you had a hare Draco **Draco: **I don't *glares at Luci who is, again, grinning like the Cheshire cat**)** went in his big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz. He was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik) I was wearing a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it a blak leather mini, black high held boots and a cross belly fing. My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee in Gong Under. (email me if u wana see da pik)

"Accuse me **(Luci: **fine. I accuse you of being a retarded goffik twat**) **? What about me!" I growled.

"Buy-but-but-" he grunted.

"You fucking bastard!" I moaned.

"No! Wait! It's not what it fucking looks like!" he shouted.

But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Draco banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video!). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO **(Luci and Hannah: **RANDOM CAPS LOCK. RANDOM CAPS LOCK**) **smoke pot. **(Draco: **great role model…**)**

Suddenly Hargrid came. He had appearated.

"You gave me a fucking shock!" I shouted angrily dropping my pot. "Wtf do you fink you're doing in da gurl's room?"

Only it wasn't just Hargrid **(Luci: **BUT YOU JUST SAID IT **WAS** HARGRID!**)**. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Tom Rid or maybe Draco but it was Dumblydore.

"Hey I need to ask you a question." he said, pulling out his black wanabe-goffik purse. "What are u wearing to the concert?"

"U no who MCR r!" I gasped. **(Luci: ***Her grammar senses are tingling*

"No I just saw there was a concert **(everyone: **XDXDXDXD**)** dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2." He said. "Anyway Draco has a surprise for u." **(Luci: ***crossing fingers* Please a bullet into her head, please a bullet into her head. Or the killing curse, any of the two!**)**


	12. AN

_**AN: **_

_To Reviewers:_

'_Mr Perfectionist' I'm not retarded ok? To say that is a horrid thing to say to a child especially as you don't know me or know anything about me. Plus do you think I'm the only person not to read the rules? I'm not the only one to put a My Immortal commentary on this site. I didn't know about it until I read 'exploding head's review. I apologise for this and I won't be doing this anymore if that makes anyone happy._

'_Explodinghead' thanks for telling me._

_To all the reviewers, thank you for taking the time to read and review it_

_TTFN (maybe)_

_From Showyourinnerslytherin, Draco, Luci and Kmillen._


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